Invisible Angel
by Rowana Renee
Summary: My alternate version of that dreaded moment in "The Stolen Earth" Really I didn't change much, just added some original prose and gave you something to wonder about in the end...The Master chose not to regenerate, what if  the Doctor had similer thoughts?


~Invisible Angel~

_Perfect frozen features, dripping wet with rain,  
Surrounded by dark creatures, ripped apart by pain.  
So it ends this way now, all alone, together still.  
But is it really over yet, the question's asked, and only time will tell._

It wasn't fair, it was so, so unfair. There had been nothing to do but watch in shocked horror as the dalek had come from nowhere and shot The Doctor, the ray striking him full-on and felling him before he could take so much as two steps closer to his destination; to Rose. It wasn't fair that, after being unable to see him for such a long time, she had to watch him die before she even had the chance to say how much she'd missed him, how much she really loved him, how glad she was that he was here now. Before she had the chance to touch him, make sure he was real. But not before she had time to hope, and that was perhaps the worst part of it.

It didn't stop her from rushing to his side the second she saw that Jack had killed the dalek, or stop her from frantically begging him to stay with her, not to die, not to go yet. He was so cold, his face felt like ice and his eyes were half-lidded, glassy, glazed with pain. His gaze slowly drifted towards her face, and when he was finally able to meet her gaze Rose could see the moment of confusion, the shock at the fact that she was really here, and finally the recognition, which was followed by a weak smile that was gone as soon as it appeared.

Rose squeezed his hand, wouldn't let go as Jack carefully lifted The Doctor, her Doctor, and began the journey back to the TARDIS. She couldn't hear anything but the sound of her own memories, flooding back to remind her just how lost she would be if The Doctor really did die.

_Fade into the background, disappearing quickly.  
Never there at all but always there for everyone.  
Never what you should've been, everything you didn't have to be.  
Invisible, forgotten angel, you were always there for me._

Tears cascaded down her face as she remembered dancing with him, back before he'd regenerated, shortly after she'd first met him. Twirling around the TARDIS, so carefree and happy, she wished that they could go back to that moment, if only for one breath of time, just to have that back for one second.

She knelt as Jack gently lay The Doctor down, trying not to cause him further injury as he did so. The Doctor seemed so...different. His eyes were darker than they'd been the last time Rose had seen them. So many times since becoming trapped in the parallel world she'd wished to see those very eyes again, even if only in her dreams, and now that she was granted that she found herself more concerned than glad; He'd seen so much since being separated from her. What on Earth had he been through, Rose wondered.

He coughed weakly and looked at her again, making a horrible choking noise as he tried to say something. Rose quickly quieted him, not wanting him to waste any energy on trying to comfort her. "No, no, don't talk..." she muttered, "Plenty of time for chatter when you're better, right?"

He seemed to struggle for a moment, gasping and coughing several times before finally managing enough breath to speak, ignoring what Rose had told him. "R-rose," he choked, "I'm not...I can't..."

Roses' eyes widened in horror. "No, you _have _to! You can't just die!" realization dawned on her then and she clapped both hands over her mouth. "Oh God you're gonna regenerate again..."

The Doctor sighed heavily and grimaced in pain, squirming slightly and blinking rapidly. "Sorry..." he whispered.

Rose shook her head, almost insane with grief. "You could just, go back in time, before you got hit, then you'd be ready and you could just...get outta the way, right?"

_Turn back the clock, make it right again.  
Lose a little more of yourself just trying to do what's right.  
You don't remember anymore, haven't a clue who you might be.  
But that's okay, you've saved the day, one more star in one more night._

His eyes drifted slowly closed and he allowed a small moan of pain. "No...it doesn't work like...agh! Like that..."

Rose cast Jack and Donna a pleading look. "Come on, there has to be something we can do!" she practically wailed, holding The Doctors' hand in a death-grip, willing him to recover, to suddenly be alright again, to leap up and start skipping around the TARDIS, pushing buttons like an excited child and taking her to save the day somewhere, perfectly normal once more.

The Doctors' eyes suddenly widened and he slowly brought his left hand up, looking at it in seeming terror as he saw the glow, the tell-tale sign that he was going to regenerate. "No...not yet..." he whimpered, "I don't want to go..."

_Fade into the background, disappearing quickly,  
Never there at all but always there for everyone.  
Never what you should've been, everything you didn't have to be,  
Invisible, forgotten angel, you were always there for me._

The Doctor jolted suddenly, his eyes closing hard shut and a soft scream escaping him, making Jack pull Rose back a few feet. "Let him go," he muttered, "There's nothing you can do."

And what a true statement that was, there was nothing to do but watch as The Doctor lay there, the glow getting stronger and stronger and the moment of true regeneration getting nearer with each heartbeat. Rose could see Donna crying, Jack looking thoroughly miserable, but to her that didn't matter; the others didn't understand, they _couldn_'t understand. _Her _Doctor was dying and they couldn't possibly care as much as she did. They just didn't understand.

She gave an involuntary sob and sank to the floor, her back against the wall. She couldn't believe this was happening, almost three whole years apart, and when she finally got to see her Doctor again this is what had happened. It was so unfair that she wanted to scream. But she remembered before that, back when it was just her and The Doctor, dancing in the TARDIS, back when everything was the way it should've been.

But perhaps the memory of clear skies was the cruelest torture of all. You can't miss what you've never had, but one may weep for that which was once theirs, returned almost into their grasp, and snatched away once more like a moth within a hurricane. And how strongly they would weep, like the hurricane itself.

"He used to be so strong..."

_Hesitate, hold your breath. Don't blink, leaping in the flames.  
Go ahead, flying speed, hold back when all is safe and sound.  
No one sees, no one hears, no one stops to know your fears.  
That's not your way; you're just lost and never found._

The Doctor gave a piercing cry and began to claw at the floor on either side of himself, out of breath, chest heaving with the effort of hanging on a little longer. "Rose!" he screamed, prompting her to rush to his side with no further urging than the first sound of her name. She took hold of his hand again, stroking him and praying that she wasn't about to hear his last words.

"What is it?" she asked, "I'm here now."

The Doctor shuddered and opened his eyes again, causing Rose to gasp in surprise at how dilated the pupils were, just how much regenerating was seeming to hurt The Doctor. He was silent for several moments, breathing hard and trying to remain focused on Rose instead of the looming darkness threatening to embrace him so soon.

"Just...don't leave me."

_Fade into the background, disappearing quickly.  
Never there at all but always there for everyone.  
Never what you should've been, everything you didn't have to be.  
Invisible, forgotten angel, you were always there for me._

Rose gave a small, forced laugh and shook her head. "Why on Earth would I do that?" she asked, "I've gotta keep you outta trouble, remember?"

Another agonized gasp. "I'm so scared..."

Rose leaned down and hugged him carefully. "Don't be; you've done this before, remember? It'll be okay..."

The Doctor flashed a quick, faltering smile and closed his eyes again. "Never _really _died before...so cold and dark...nightmares live there..."

Rose cast Jack a frightened glance. "What? What's that mean? What's he sayin'?"

Before Jack could reply, however, The Doctors' eyes flashed open once more and he gazed at Rose as if he'd only just seen her. "You...you remember when I regenerated the first time...you didn't know me anymore. You hated me for a few minutes..."

Rose nodded and squeezed his hand a little more tightly. "Yeah but I got over it; you're still you, I learned to love you even if you were different."

The Doctor didn't respond for several seconds, thinking it over for a long time before speaking again. "You can't...can't do that again...won't...won't be able to..."

Rose shook her head, tears afresh flowing. "Yes I could, and I will! I don't care how many times you change, I already said I'll never leave you and I'll go with you when you're better, different or not!"

The Doctor sighed and went almost completely limp. "That's...that's what you think..." he breathed, "Look."

Rose was suddenly pulled from reality as The Doctors' memories flowed into her, showing her everything she'd spent so much time wondering, but holding enough back to keep her safe.

_It's all different now, I see it coming. Falling like new snow.  
Red memories unchained and flowing, things you wish you didn't know.  
The daemon knows your secrets now, just as I have learned them too.  
Show me who you really are, how and why you do the things you do._

Each regeneration flashed before Roses' eyes at near lightning speed, and all the while she wondered why on Earth this would affect whether she would want to stay with The Doctor. The train of memory finally came to a stop and The Doctor grimaced and twitched, the glowing getting even brighter. "See now?"

Rose shook her head, leaning forward a bit more so she'd be able to hear The Doctor. "No. No I don't see, what are you trying to-?"

The Doctor winced and seemed to have an inward fight for about three minutes before the glowing intensified and he gave a strangled yelp. "I...get younger each time," he wheezed, "I'd eventually look young enough to be your son..."

Rose shrugged as nonchalantly as she could. "So what? You're already nine-hundred, a little age difference doesn't matter."

"You might think that but...no regeneration lasts forever...they all get killed eventually...and I'll change every time. You want to go through that for the rest of your life?"

Rose sighed and shook her head. "No...but I do want to stay with you..."

_Fade into the background, disappearing quickly.  
Never there at all but always there for everyone.  
Never what you should've been, everything you didn't have to be.  
Invisible, forgotten angel, you were always there for me._

"You can't...nothing lasts...it all withers and dies someday...all fades into the darkness..."

Rose flashed a half-hearted glare and placed a hand on The Doctors' chest, feeling the two hearts beating, throbbing out of sync. "You're just sayin' that because you're hurt, that's all. You'll be fine, we'll be fine. Just a little longer, that's all."

The Doctor blinked slowly, still trying to stall regenerating a little longer for whatever reason. "You've done alright, all this time...fantastic..."

Rose sighed in frustration. "Stop it, I loved Nine but I love you just as much, more even. I don't care who you turn into as long as you're here!"

The Doctor looked at her again, this time his gaze was entirely unfocused, his eyes lacking most of the light that was normally there. "Only time can tell..."

_Change of face, but you knew it was coming for you someday.  
Same heart, same soul, but it doesn't matter as long as you're still here.  
Wait a moment, then go back, don't waste a second, don't waste a breath.  
Grab them all and take them back; they're all yours anyway._

The Doctor convulsed before laughing as if he'd gone insane, staring at Rose as if she'd made Christmas come early. "I'm the last timelord!" he exclaimed, "I'm the last one and they're all waiting! It's my fault and they're all waiting...ha, it's so unfair isn't it? They're so much better but _I'm_ the last one, _me! _I caused the downfall of our race but I'm the last to go...they're screaming...furious..."

Rose nodded slowly, deciding to humour him. "W...why is it taking so long, Doctor? Last time it was fast, why so long this time? It must hurt."

The Doctor sighed heavily. "Ohh yes, it hurts. But I don't want to go...not this time. Too tired to keep going, might as well give up now."

Rose paled. "What? What do you mean give up? What's that mean?"

"I'm not regenerating this time...I won't."

_Fade into the background, disappearing quickly.  
Never there at all but always there for everyone.  
Never what you should've been, everything you didn't have to be.  
Invisible, forgotten angel, you were always there for me._

"But if you don't then you'll die!"

He looked sad as he met her gaze again, gripping her hand in return for the first time since they'd arrived. "Better that than going on...always losing everyone important...leaving people behind...being alone.."

Rose was sobbing uncontrollably, unable to believe that her Doctor was going to leave her again, this time with no chance for reunion. "But you won't be alone!" she sobbed, "I'll go with you!"

The Doctor shook his head. "But for how long? You can't always stay, I'd have to leave you anyway, when you die and I'm still drifting. Always drifting..."

_Your eyes are sad and grey now, so tired, cold, and grim.  
You've seen too much and been too long_, _don't linger anymore.  
But don't go just yet, stay a little longer.  
Fearless, weeping shadow...I've seen your face before._

Rose was unaware that Jack and Donna had long since left, deciding to leave Rose and The Doctor alone for the time being. After all, best not to disturb them when these were, well and truly, their last moments together. The Doctor gave Rose a small, humourless smile.

"We'll have a proper goodbye this time..."

Rose would have slapped him, if he wasn't dying anyway. Instead she glared tearfully at him. "I don't want a goodbye! It isn't supposed to be like this!"

The Doctor nodded slowly. "I know, Rose...I know."

_Fade into the background, disappearing quickly.  
Never there at all but always there for everyone.  
Never what you should've been, everything you didn't have to be.  
Invisible, forgotten angel, you were always there for me._

Rose was suddenly furious and she glared down at The Doctor with a fierce intensity, her eyes still glittering with tears yet with a new resolve lurking somewhere therein. "But I waited for you, every day I watched, and I know you did the same thing. Don't say you did that just to tell me that we really are gone forever."

When she didn't get a response she pressed on, now almost as weary as The Doctor himself was. "Besides that, what about everyone else who needs you, eh? What about them? You can't just leave the world to its fate, can you? You're not like that..."

The Doctor chuckled faintly then, a hoarse and quiet sound that sounded more like rocks scraping at the back of his throat. "You...you remember when the sycorax were trying to invade...'s been such a long time since then...still don't _really _know who I am..."

Rose began rubbing gentle circles on his hand with her thumb. "Which is why you should stay a little longer..."

_The clock is ticking backwards_, _let's undo what wrong was wrought.  
Pour sand back in the hourglass, don't slip through my hands again.  
But the sun is shattered, frozen glass, there is blood around you now.  
Because your past has returned, haunting you, forget what you've been taught._

The Doctor spasmed suddenly, stiffening and groaning through gritted teeth as his body was racked with pain, whether from the shot received from the dalek or the effort of trying not to regenerate it was hard to tell. He spoke again, as if trying to distract himself from what was happening. "So...so much has happened since..."

"Bad wolf bay..." Rose muttered.

The Doctor nodded several times. "Bad wolf bay...so many things I wish I could have faced with _you_...the others, they weren't...bad...but they weren't the same...I never...never forgot..."

Rose shook her head slowly. "I didn't forget either. Not even for Mickey."

The Doctor sighed quietly, his grip on her hand loosening just a little. "That's good..."

_Fade into the background, disappearing quickly.  
Never there at all but always there for everyone.  
Never what you should've been, everything you didn't have to be.  
Invisible, forgotten angel, you were always there for me._

The Doctor laughed, closing his eyes and allowing himself to relax a bit as memories watched over him. "So fitting..." he muttered, "I started this life with you, may as well end it the same way...better than being alone...nothing worse than that..."

"And there's no reason it shouldn't be the same way with the next you, is there?"

Her voice was soft, so The Doctor may have really not heard her, but it was more likely that he was ignoring her when he replied. "Ha...run...that's the first thing I said to you..."

Rose nodded at that. "Bet you didn't know; right before I got to work that day, someone told me I'd have a great year, and they were right about that."

They both sighed and were silent for a minute before The Doctor spoke again. "We did so many things, didn't we?"

Rose allowed herself a chuckle. "Yeah, we did. Zombies, cats, werewolves, oh, and the pits of hell, that was probably one of the only bad times."

The Doctor glanced up at her, a question in his eyes. "Would you do it again?"

Rose tried to make it look like she had to consider it. "You were there the whole time; of course I'd do it again, all of it."

_Dancing figures in a snowglobe, no worries and no fears.  
Dancing 'round in starlight, don't you wish that you were there?  
Dancing in the hourglass, twirling in safe hands.  
Would you do it if you could then, just go back and dance?_

After that they didn't say much of anything, mostly just talked about what had happened, with Rose doing most of the talking; The Doctor was fading by then. Rose still tried to convince him to regenerate, unsure of whether she was getting through or not. She was also unsure of whether she'd really be able to keep her promise; would she be able to fall in love with a new Doctor a second time?

The ominous glow was still present, but it seemed to be dying away. For good or bad the telling of the sign Rose had know way of knowing. All she knew was that, whatever was going on outside, she had to remain right where she was; with The Doctor. She wasn't going to lose him again, she already knew that for a fact.

"You know, here on Earth no one knows you, do they?" Rose finally asked.

The Doctor grimaced, without opening his eyes. "Only Martha and Donna, as well as their families..."

Rose nodded and pressed on. "In the world I've been trapped in...there almost everyone in Torchwood knows you; I had to tell someone about everything we've done together...well...not everything...some things are just for us...but they all know that you're a hero."

She watched for a reaction but saw none.

"Funny, isn't it? In one world you've only set foot in once you're a hero, while here, here you're everyones' faceless angel. You're living poetry."

The response wasn't exactly comforting. "Poetry, stories written on pages...they're just like everything else...everything fades with time..."

_Fade into the background, disappearing quickly,  
Never there at all but always there for everyone.  
Never what you should've been, everything you didn't have to be.  
Invisible, forgotten angel, you were always there for me._

The Doctors' eyes flew open, shining with a light Rose had never seen before in the whole time she'd known him. He seemed as if he wasn't entirely there, yet at the same time all too aware of exactly what was going on around him. There was also another light; the light of absolute terror.

"Where am I, Rose? On one side everything's dark and on the other...on the other there's only fire...it burns and there's no way to escape it...I don't know where I'm going..."

Rose noticed that the glowing had intensified once more and that could only mean one thing, that the end was very _very _near. She gripped his hand in both of her own and leaned forward, giving him a gentle kiss and whispering in a tone that may or may not have been audible. "I don't know where you're going either, Doctor, but wherever it is...you know I'll go with you."

_My perfect, faceless angel, will you recall time yet again?  
Rewind for one more moment, a shining shoreline too?  
A chilling wind, untouched by days, and an ocean burning, blue?  
Your time is up, our time is gone, I see it burning now, in you._

"We're fallin' through space, you and me...and if we let go..."

The returning grip on Roses' hand was gone.

But the glowing wasn't. No, the glowing was always there, like everything beyond what one can grasp, like time and distant voices and memories resting in the back of a persons' mind, locked away for being too long ago or too painful to truly recall, like an identity or secret never told, like a story never written...the glowing was always there.

And Rose gladly followed.

_Fade into the background, disappearing quickly.  
Never there at all but always there for everyone.  
Never what you should've been, everything you didn't have to be.  
Invisible, forgotten angel, you were always there for me._

_

* * *

_**Soooo...what say you? You can decide for yourself if he regenerated or just...faded...it's entirely up to you. *Winks* If you'd like I'll write a sequel about what I believe happened next (My muses permitting) but for now, you decide the fate of the Doctor...as well as everyone depending on him. ^;^ Not a bad serious debut I hope...^?^**_  
_


End file.
